Recently my friends and I discussed the biggest lie we have believed/currently believe. As we went around and heard each person talk, I realized something that we all had in common: small lies that produced major (so far) life long insecurities.
One person talked about how they have never/will never live up to the standards of physical beauty that society has set out for them. Another talked about how no matter how hard the worked, they never seemed to live up to other people’s expectations. Mine was that I have never felt that my emotions/feelings (relating to anger or sadness) were valid or legitimate. I felt that no matter what I always had to be the person that was happy and had all my ducks in a row, and that when you show yourself to be vulnerable to emotion you were weak. I’ve always known that to be true. If someone would cry or get upset, I got uncomfortable. I would think to myself “how can she/he do this? Why don’t they deal with this stuff on their own, in the privacy of their home?” But really, that is my insecurity for vulnerability coming out as being annoyed or uncomfortable. (So if I ever seem like a heartless wench when you are struggling, don’t take it to heart. I’m working on it, and I’m sorry for not treating you with compassion and love when you needed it most.) When the people I mentioned before believed they were not beautiful enough or would never be able to reach other people’s expectations, it all came back to a lie they believed; and it may not have been one lie, it may have been a string of lies that slowly built up.
Another aspect of lies that have come to my attention is the way they creep into your life. I believe every lie comes in silently, you don’t even realize that it is there. It sneaks it’s way into your everyday life. By the time you believe it, it’s fully ingrained into your thought process and responses. It’s why you think some people are beautiful and some are not, it’s why you feel like everyone is against you instead of supporting you, it’s the part of your day where people trust you with their struggles and (if you’re me) you treat them like they’re ridiculous for expressing those thoughts. By the time I can pinpoint a lie in my life, it is SCREAMING IN MY FACE.
For example, another lie I believe too often is that I am quickly falling behind in life. This lie was not a simple one to weed out and find, because it does contain so many roots. The first aspect I feel behind on is school. A majority of my friends have done PSEO, which basically means they have most, if not all, of their two year degree done by the time they graduate high school. Now the opportunity for me to do PSEO at a local community college did come up between my sophomore and junior year of high school, but in the end it didn’t work out, possibly for the better. In those two years I not only made the most incredible friends, but it gave me time to figure out who I was. It gave me time to lay a firm foundation and an identity for myself before I went to college. (Not to say if you do PSEO you don’t have those things figured out, it just took me longer.) But sometimes the lie of “YOUR FRIENDS ARE YEARS AHEAD OF YOU! BY THE TIME YOU GRADUATE, THEY WILL HAVE FINISHED SCHOOL, HAVE THEIR OWN PLACE AND A SUCCESSFUL JOB. AND YOU? YOU WILL HAVE NOTHING!” Another aspect of my life where this lie seems to permeate is when it comes to love/marriage. Recently I made the decision to take this next year (October 2014 to October 2015) or longer to be single. This time will be one that I hope to never forget, and to learn many lessons in. But this has also shown me how insecure being on my own is, and I didn’t realize how insecure I was in this area until I consciously made this decision. More people have started dating, gotten engaged and gotten married in this year than any other year in my life. And now, sitting in the aftermath of that relationship frenzy, I’m realizing that people are pairing up and I’m not one of them and that puts some fear in my heart. I keep having thoughts like “YOU ARE MAKNG A HUGE MISTAKE BEING SINGLE FOR THE NEXT YEAR! WHILE YOU’RE FIGURING THINGS OUT, YOU ARE ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE LEFT BEHIND.” Oh and this also brings up my back-and-forth insecurity about being too protective over how physical I get with a guy and regretting not guarding myself enough. This usually comes out along the lines of “IF YOU DON’T DO ___ WITH A GUY HE IS GOING TO THINK YOU’RE A PRUDE AND GET BORED AND LEAVE YOU.” or “WOW, HOW COULD YOU LET THINGS GO THAT FAR? YOU ARE SO TRASHY AND ANY GUY THAT WOULD EVEN CONSIDER YOU WOULD QUICKLY LEAVE ONCE HE REALIZES WHAT YOU’VE DONE.” And this part of the lie is ridiculous for two reasons: 1) In the realm of physical “stuff” this kid hasn’t done much and 2) I’m 19, I have some time for all of this to work out. But that’s how lies work, they are quiet and they are complicated.
So here’s what I’ve realized, and I’m going to try to not sound like a 12 year old girl’s Twitter post (shout out to all the tweens): 1) You are not ugly or disgusting. You are beautiful and individualized and breathtaking and so not basic ;) 2)Food is not in charge of you, you are in charge. Look around and realize that there are many different body types and not one of them is “wrong.” 3)You are not behind. You are right where you need to be, when you need to be there, with the people you need to be with. 4)You are never “too much”, you are always enough. Okay, I stole that saying from a card at the dollar store, but Tom at the card making place (500 Days Of Summer) knew what he was talking about when he wrote that. If I guy (or a girl) makes you feel like a loser for not going farther physically with them, they are the loser and they are self centered and shallow. Or if someone cannot accept what you’ve done in your past an makes you feel guilty, that is conditional love and that is not the kind of love you want. And if you a working hard, then stop worrying about other people’s opinions and accomplish the goals you’ve set out for yourself.
There are a bajillion kazillion more lies I could go into, but to conclude: lies are sneaky, and they make you feel pathetic; and if you find yourself believing one, please recognize it and take time to remind yourself of the truth about you, and your identity; because you are so much better than the lies that are enslaving you.
You are not as “basic” or mediocre as the world has told you. You were intricately planned and are individually gifted in a way no one else can copy.
What is this #NationalCoffeeDay nonsense? Coffee should be celebrated every day! Shout out to my homegirl French Roast for helping me survive this monday morning!
Also, I wish I could have an adventure with Jonathan Bennett. He looks like he’s had some good adventures in his time. Like we would have a picnic in a hot air balloon while talking in different accents. #AaronFreakinSamuels
Bethany Mota messed up her ankle and she is still #flawless